I initially wanted to write an article about this case but as the story unfolded it made more sense to allow David to write his story:

I have struggled with a compulsive disorder for about 9 years now.

To a 5 year old, I would explain it like this: You know how sometimes you get thoughts in your head that you can't control? Well, for me, those thoughts come in the form of a voice, telling me to do things that don't make any sense. It's like someone telling you to jump three times or you'll get in trouble, even though jumping has nothing to do with avoiding trouble.

I shared this experience with Adrian recently. He was fascinated by my story and asked if he could write about it to help others. I agreed, hoping it might help me overcome this compulsion as well. When Adrian asked how long I've dealt with this, I was shocked to realize it's been nearly a decade. He pointed out that I've spent over 3,000 hours on these irrational thoughts and behaviors. That's enough time to become an expert in a new skill! I could have learned to play piano, spent more time with loved ones, read books, meditated...

Adrian suggested to choose something else for that 1 hour a day, 30 hours a month, doing something meaningful to me instead of the compulsion. I chose to focus on self-care, meditating and relaxing. Adrian guided me through some relaxation techniques and asked me to visualize making progress.

Then Adrian asked a strange question: how would I make someone else develop this kind of compulsion? I told him I knew exactly how it started for me, going back to a specific moment in my past.

So how so I know when to give in to the compulsion? I told him there are a few triggers: when things change and I have to make a decision, when I'm feeling really good, or when I'm doing certain activities that have become associated with the compulsion. Lately, the thoughts have been dissipating more quickly, in 10-20 seconds. But sometimes they stick around and I give in and  I only stop when I start to feel bad.

Adrian pointed out that it seems strange I would feel uncomfortable feeling good for too long. I realized he was right - I want to feel great, but something stops me. We explored this and I came to see the compulsion probably developed as a way to limit how good I felt, since for a long time before that I felt bad constantly. Feeling good again was unfamiliar and frightening.

Adrian asked what would happen if I felt great for a whole week. At first, I said my wife would scold me (which was a shocking discovery to me), thinking she doesn't want me to feel good. But upon reflection, I realized she does want me to feel great - I was just having a strange belief my wife doens't want me to feel good. Adrian had me visualize feeling increasingly great, with my wife and family supporting me, until I was "swimming in a pool of greatness." I don't remember exactly how, probably Adrian did some magic work there, but it was so clear that I can feel great for long period of time. This was the start for me to see clearly a new brighter, big and clear future.

As I did this, the compulsion faded. I couldn't even remember what it was for some reason. Adrian had me try to recall it in different situations, but each time it slipped further away from me. He said this was a sign this will be easy process. To be sure, he asked how I'd know it was really gone. I said I'd be able to think about situations where it used to appear, feel great, and have the freedom to go in any direction I chose, so basically my freedom was back! I was able to choose another path.

Adrian guided me through visualizing this new reality, where I feel great and have endless options and possibilities. He had me step into this vision and experience what it would be like. I felt gratitude washing over me, cleansing me of any remaining traces of the compulsion.

To seal it in, Adrian had me fast forward 9 years and see how much I've achieved and how much impact feeling great and spreading that to others has had. I took time to let this new vision of freedom integrate fully into my mind and body. I feel the compulsion has truly gone for good, and a bright new chapter is beginning.

To clarify when I say compulsion I refer to when I was in the situation that I had no choice other than starting to imagine doing things that didn't made sense and feeling compelled, forced to do them. Not being able to remember the compulsion means for me that I wasn't getting into that place where I had no choice other but follow what the thoughts I had told me to do. I was able to find another place in my self that was filled with choice, with freedom.

Adrian asked if I can fully trust that feeling great is how I'm meant to live. I said yes - it's our human inheritance to experience life fully. He asked if I trust "driving by greatness." Again, I said yes.

Adrian then asked an important question: if I find myself doing the same habitual things I used to do as a result of the compulsion, but now have the freedom to choose not to do them, would that still be a compulsion? I said no, it would just be a habit. He said in that case, I can simply stop, express gratitude to my system that I don't need the habit anymore, and know it will fade in time.

I mentioned a fear of success coming up now that I'm thinking of new investments. Adrian said we'd discuss that next time. He explained the compulsion needed a trigger and pattern to exist. We cleared the trigger by seeing the "scary thoughts" I was creating were a habit, not reality. The habit wanted me to feel scared so the compulsion would activate. But I don't need to scare myself anymore.

The second gain of scaring myself was avoiding feeling too good. The habit was triggered by either feeling too good or old connections. The solution was seeing the habit as a "feature," not a flaw. Everything is a feature - it's how we look at it that turns it into a problem or a feature.

There are a few steps that I see now as helpful: deciding I want change, explaining the issue simply, belief change, exploration, discovering the second gain, habit change. The habit is still powerful but dissipates if I wait and I just laugh at it.

Two weeks after our last session, I told Adrian I can see the compulsion much more clearly now and can control it - when I get the impulse and habit, I can just stop. It's actually quite easy, though easier to just go with the impulse. But now I wonder how to simply not have the compulsion at all. Will it be with me my whole life?

Adrian compared it to a habit like taking the same route to work and stopping for pizza. To change that, I could take a different route. If I wanted to eat fruit instead, I'd go to a market selling fruit. It was very easy to see that new path in my mind.

He said the compulsion is trickier since the path is linked to so many situations. We could change how I do all things related to the compulsion, or replace the compulsion with something I want. Since the pathways are there, that would benefit me. Instead of imagining unpleasant things compulsively, I could do something else.

I asked what else I could do. Adrian asked what I want more in life. I said abundance, beauty, freedom, quality. He said to choose one. I chose quality of living.

Adrian said: from now on, when I get the compulsion impulse, to replace it with noticing the quality of the moment while I allow my subconscious to make the change.

Here is the follow up:

Adrian: So how is it going with replacing the compulsion with noticing the quality of the moment?
David: It’s interesting. At first I was struggling because the habit was still strong. But after a few days of consciously making an effort to shift to noticing the quality of the details in my surroundings and in my whole self when the habit came up, it started to get easier. Now shifting my focus is more natural. The "not making sense thoughts" barely come up at all.
Adrian: That’s great to hear. The habit was strong because it had years of reinforcement, so it will take continuous practice to fully replace it. But it seems you’ve made excellent progress.
David: Yes, I’m really pleased. I realised that I actually had this habit for way more than 9 years, probably for more than 20 years, but it wasn't bothering me too much back then, it was just part of my life. The freedom I feel now is wonderful. I never realized how much mental energy went into that compulsion until it started to fade.
Adrian: Absolutely. Compulsions, addictions and unhealthy habits in general take up an amazing amount of energy and mental space. So now what's next?

I now see why it's so easy to transform a compulsion. It's easy when you get the help that you need, and when you have the right questions revealing what is truly valuable to you. Adrian asked me insightful questions like:

• If I wanted to recreate your compulsion, how would I do it?
• When you feel discomfort, how do I know that is a problem?
• How are you scaring yourself?
• Do you really want to overcome this compulsion?
• How do I know when to have the compulsion?

Answering these questions put me on a path where it was impossible not to see that I was creating the scary thoughts and making myself scared. It was me having the habit, me having full control over it, and me who had to decide to notice the quality of the moment instead of imagining scary thoughts.

This is not without work - the work of noticing again and again that I have the habit and choosing again and again to laugh at it, saying: "Here it goes again, the habit is here, my system is so precise, right on time! I can really count on my system!"  Now seeing that I can actually use the habit to my advantage is mind-blowing. My unconscious literally listened for what I wanted, and when I have the same habit impulse, I get a thought about quality, saying: "Hey, now it's time to notice the quality of the moment."